Scoundrel's Luck


Armory, The Facility

From Wojo’s stream of consciousness: Harris and Darwin don the officer’s uniforms. I’m very much surprised that the unis are wearable, especially the one that came off of the guy that Darwin nuked. Harris explains to Darwin that the syringe he stabbed into his neck provided him with “sh*t-tons” of healing. I do not know if this is more or less than “sh*tloads”, but in any case Darwin seems to recover a great deal of strength.

Neralli uses the code cylinder to access the floor plan on the computer console. The floor plan map displays the location of all of the storm troopers. They apparently are tagged with transponders so that their movements can be more easily coordinated by their superiors. There are many, many storm troopers on the first floor, which is our destination. To this Knup says “Oh, f*ck me, man!” I think that pretty much sums up everyone’s feelings on the subject.

We collect ourselves and head out through the door opposite the one we entered from (which is bad luck on my planet) and file up the stairs. Harris and Darwin go first, and Knup, Arik (who is now carrying the TIE’s FMC), and myself hang back with Neralli, since she is our fake prisoner.

To make ourselves more convincing as storm troopers, we decide to partake in some soldier talk. Much to the dismay of Neralli, everyone starts talking about their penis. Darwin has named his “Danny Woodhead”, which is apparently the name of some star ballplayer. Harris claims that his is retractable. Arik calls his a “Shmoo”. Even Knup joins in, informing everyone that he refers to his as a “force penis.” Knup’s participation greatly surprises me, because Knup hates fun and laughing more than almost anything. It makes me think that he is getting nervous, which is not a great sign.

My suspicions are confirmed when Harris asks Knup if he can use his “force penis” to seek out this “black hole of evil” that he keeps talking about. Knup suddenly becomes very solemn and Knup-like. He says that he is nervous about extending his force feelings because he believes that we are dealing with raw, concentrated evil. That sounds horrifying to me.

Darwin, seemingly unaffected by the prospect of running into concentrated evil, announces to the group that he is quite concerned about the whereabouts of his cargo. Knup suddenly breaks from the group and walks off in a random direction. Harris notes “that he’s got that look on his face.” Whenever Knup has that particular look on his face, mayhem is usually just around the corner.

We follow Knup to the entrance of a hallway, and then Harris holds Darwin and I back and signals that we should stay put and keep an eye on our prisoner, Neralli. I do as I’m asked, but I peer around the corner to see what’s going on. Harris marches up to a pair of storm troopers guarding a door. He looks like he’s got a stick up his ass. Knup is already standing before the storm troopers.

Harris demands of the troopers, “What are your orders?”
“We are to guard this door, sir,” one of them replies.
“We screwed up last time, sir. We were told that if we were to ever again leave this door unattended while on watch, it would be our asses.”
“Did you not hear the alarm!” belows Harris. “Rapscallions are afoot! Reports indicate that a band of hooligans have commandeered a tunnel boring machine from the nearby mining operation and have used it to pierce through the walls of the lower level!”

At this point Knup saunters up to the troopers. “Alright morons, go help clean up the mess. I’ll take over your watch.”

The troopers hesitate and then look at each other.

YOU DISOBEY A DIRECT ORDER FROM A SUPERIOR?” Harris screams. “To your quarters! NOW!”

One of the troopers turns and looks at the door.

“GO NOW! THIS IS NO LONGER YOUR RESPONSIBILITY!” commands Harris. Finally, the troopers shrug and walk away.

Knup waves his arm and points down the hallway. I take that as a signal and Darwin and I walk Neralli down the hallway and around a corner to a locked door. Knup and Harris follow. Neralli works frantically to unlock the door as Knup holds his rifle to her head. I think he is trying to tell her silently that if she fails to get the door open in a reasonable amount of time, he will blow the lock of the door and we will have a real mess on our hands. That is Knup’s style.

Luckily for us all, Neralli succeeds, and we stumble through the door and find ourselves in an armory. I take a quick look around and see what I think is Darwin’s cargo. Turns out I’m right. Darwin states ominously that “we may need to get outta here in a hurry.” I feel my nerves flare up until Neralli hands me one of those little boxes of Cookie Crisp cereal. This makes me feel instantly better. Out of the corner of my eye I see Harris stealing more grenades.


Elenore Wojo_Cubar

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